Sometimes I'm thrilled with what he learns. Once, the counselor was having him name all the colors--red, blue, yellow, green. She asked which color was bad and which color was good. Colors aren't bad or good, they're just colors. Likewise, she told Timothy that feelings aren't bad or good. You can be angry or you can be happy, but FEELINGS aren't bad. How we react can be bad, but the feelings are okay. That made me happy and Timothy referenced that several times the next week.
Other weeks Timothy just plays with a paperclip the entire session and talks about Star Wars or volcanoes. In those sessions, I really contemplate if this is helping at all and I really regret the money I spent and the time I wasted.
The truth is that my child has anxiety problems. If he can't do something, he runs away. Things that should be simple make him have a major meltdown and it gets in the way of activities that should be fun for him! And I don't know how to deal with it. I guess I'm a failure as a mother because I don't know how to fix it. I just want life to be better for him!
His main problems:
1) He can't handle anything difficult. If he's trying to, say, build something with legos and he messes up even a little bit, he runs out of the room screaming and crying. He can't play video games because he can't handle it if he "loses" or doesn't get it the first try.
2) He's over-anxious. He picks up on tiny little things and just frets and frets about them. What if a bad person comes to our house? What if a meteor hits our backyard?
3) He's way, hugely hypersensitive to other people's appearances and emotions. All day, everyday, it's, "Mom, why did you do your eyebrow like that?" or "Mom, why did you go like *sigh*? Are you angry?" or "Dad, you just made a sad face. What's wrong? Are you sad? Do I make you sad?" Honestly, this is making me crazy. I'll just be sitting there normally, enjoying a soda and reading a book and Timothy will say, "Mom, you just made an angry look. Are you mad at me? Are you mad at Samuel?"
My insurance is changing and counseling will get more expensive next month. I'm trying to figure out what to do. Is it worth the price? I realize I won't see immediate results. If I don't do counseling, what do I do? I can't just let my child have problems and sit by and do nothing. Has anyone heard of Emotional Freedom Technique? I may look into it as it was recommended by a reader. What else can I try?
No, you are not a failure! You love him, you care about him and you are trying. Somethings are not within our capabilities to "fix". Somethings our children have to go through and work out and we just have to help them the best we know how. The Lord loves you and is pleased with your efforts. He will help you through this hard time. Things will get back to neat again. It can be hard to "wait on the Lord" but it is always worth it. You are doing great.
ReplyDeleteI have tried The "tapping" technique and it really wasn't for me, maybe I wasn't consistent enough but it didn't seem to make a big difference in the way I felt.
ReplyDeletePositive affirmations however have had dramatic effects. When I was small, my mom made a tape of my sister and I saying positive affirmations to each other. We went to sleep to that tape every night. Miraculously our fighting disappeared and we were much happier and secure. I do positive affirmations to this day, Only I write them out. if something is weighing heavy on my mind I figure out a way to write positively and then I'll write that every day. For example "The Lord's hand is in my daughter's education and all will go as it should". This really helps me to stop worrying and move into faith. For Timothy you could identify a few main anxieties and say something like ... "I know my family loves me and are happy with me even when they are not smiling all the time" You could make a recording and have him listen to it every day, you could post signs and both of you could read them when you go by, you could chant it while jumping up and down, you could have him say it when he starts to get anxious about your facial expressions, really there are a lot of ways to incorporate these positive messages.
I have suffered from anxiety from the time I was tiny. I have learned to manage it quite well without meds and much of the time I live a happy stress free life. Here are some of the things that has helped me a lot.
ReplyDelete***exercise: It is a great way to burn off nervous energy and to have a general sense of well being. Running, dancing, and swimming in particular can have a calming effect on the nerves.
***Light: Generally the brighter it is in my house the brighter my outlook is. This means the lights are on and the blinds are open.
***music: Happy, calming music is a powerful tool to keep the feeling in the home peaceful.
***Outside time: There is something peaceful and cheerful about being outside, especially in natural spaces, I try and make time for it every day.
***Deep Breaths: This is a great way to begin the day, end the day, and to help anxiety anytime in between. I take a few moments to breath deep while closing my eyes and imaging waves ebbing and flowing, or a big white puffy cloud in a blue blue sky
***smile time: I try to smile for a length of time. It feels a little silly but it really does trick the mind in thinking that you are happy.
***Positive affirmations: These are a fantastic way to help my mind focus on the good in my life
***Prayer: Prayer is wonderful way to unload my worries and rekindle my faith. It reminds me that God is in charge.
I hope this gives you some ideas. I'll be praying for you and your family!
Who ever wrote the 3 above comments...Thank you so much! God has sent an angel to calm the storm! Prayer is all I know to do for a very special grandson that I love so much, but does have a different outlook on situations. Timothy will never know how much he is loved and prayed for! Timothy's Grandma
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My 6 yo son goes through the same experience. We do not take him to any sessions. This is a natural development, it is his personality. When he runs away or is fussing about things he can not do, we talk to him and explain that there is a natural flow of things. You do not know everything when you're born, you have to learn things. He is a maximalist....painful process but effective....be calm, praise him, needs lots of attention. Good luck!
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