One of our promises this year was to be more real with people. We have nothing to hide. We're imperfect humans who make mistakes. So, be prepared to learn what a terrible mother I am in this post.
Guys, I feel cheated.
We've tried everything to have the "ideal environment" for Timothy from birth. We gave him good nutrition. We read all the parenting books. We made homemade flashcards until we nearly passed out from the smell of permanent marker. We read books. We bought phonics shows.
Timothy has learned a great deal. Timothy knows many words. However, Timothy hasn't learned to read.
Not only has Timothy not learned to read, but when we've been through the (several) phonics programs he doesn't seem to retain much. He'll "get" that ph says /f/ until 2 pages later. Then he'll act like he's never learned that before in his life!
We've been so frustrated and we feel like such failures. I wrote my dissertation on family literacy campaigns and I know that many illiterate people wind up in jail. Once, when Timothy just wasn't getting it and was being hysterical and was just putting up a mental block I said, "Most people who don't learn to read end up in jail. Do you want to end up in jail, Timothy?" Yes, I said that to my son who's having problems learning. Like that would help him "get it." Like he could just concentrate more and he'd be fine.
As I was going to sleep on Monday night, I realized that even if Timothy did learn to read tomorrow it would be a terrible, stressful thing for him. He wouldn't enjoy it. We've made reading stressful and sucked all the joy out of it. That's not what we want. We made a mistake because that's not what we want at all!
Then I realized we've got to stop what we're doing. We're making it too important. We're putting too much pressure on a 6 year old who already has anxiety problems. Why are we doing this? What does it matter if he starts to read a little later than "average"? Who are we trying to impress?
The last 3 days, we've completely redone our homeschool day. We're taking a break from My Father's World. We read the kids lots of books--good books--and Timothy's under no pressure to read anything to us. They play with their phonics pens. We do a science experiment everyday. We focus on everything else there is to learn--no reason to stop just because he can't read!
On Monday we bought the show Meet the Sight Words. See, Timothy has virtually no sight word recognition. We pop popcorn and Timothy and Samuel have watched it daily since then. Today, I realized that Samuel had learned several of the words. Timothy still hasn't.
I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that it doesn't hold stressed out parents standing over a crying child who's desperately trying to read. Nope. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. It's just not worth it.
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Hmmm. One thing I don't see here is a bad mother. You have been through more trauma than anyone would reasonably expect with every one of your children. Give yourself a break!
ReplyDeleteYou might try a dose of Raymond and Dorothy Moore (e.g. Better Late than Early, or The Successful Homeschool Family Handbook, which used to be more graphically titled Homeschool Burnout). The point is not to say that they are right and Glenn Doman is wrong (I think each is right in his own way), much less to make you feel that you did everything (or anything) wrong! But it might give you some balance, some perspective, some confidence that children can learn to read at a much later age than is currently expected, and still thrive (some might say do even better). When I was in elementary school, we didn't even begin learning to read until six, and it wasn't considered a matter of much concern until fourth grade or so, yet my generation didn't do all that badly, intellectually. The Moores recommend eight as the best age for formal schooling!
One thing to look into, if you haven't already (sometime, without pressure) is if Timothy might have a Central Auditory Processing Disorder. It was "He'll "get" that ph says /f/ until 2 pages later. Then he'll act like he's never learned that before in his life!" that made me think of that, as this was exactly a friend's frustration over her daughter -- not about reading, but about the seeming inability to retain things. At around middle school age they discovered CAPD and spent an intense summer with the FastForWord program, which made a HUGE difference. Just something to think about.
In the meantime, the program you are doing sounds perfect! Read, read, read aloud.
(But don't hold Samuel back if he wants to learn to read.)
Best wishes!